cute enough to shoot you down

No, actually. They're not my choices. They're S's choices. Because he's the idiot who chose to go let himself into Bill's last night, and then leave after making a huge mess in the kitchen.

And now he's sulking because Bill made him go back there today and clean it up. You know, I didn't even know S knew how to do the washing up. I might have to do something with this new information.

Well, today was... interesting. I think that's a good adjective in light of everything. Like I said earlier, it was decided that it was time I met S' family today. I wasn't the only person who was made to go meet the parents (well, parent. It's only Mrs Holmes that's around these days). I guess my_croft or just_a_brolly or whatever he's calling himself these days is seeing someone as well, and he brought her along to lunch. She was sweet. That's another good adjective, I think. And the first person I've met since dating S that didn't make the same joke or ask the same question I hear every time we meet someone new. So that was refreshing.

I'm screwing up my narrative. Let me start over.

Birthday. Meeting S' mum. Right. Well, his brother came to pick us up, because their mum lives out in Chipping Norton, and that would have been one hell of a cab fare and I guess trains out to that direction are a pain. The ride there was misery. I think I'd have rather paid for a cab. S doesn't get on with that brother, as we all know, and we all wound up in the same car together for about an hour. I spent most of the ride practising bad habits I picked up off of S somewhere along the way and just messed around with my phone. I felt kind of bad, but wasn't sure what else to do in a completely silent car.

His mum's pretty much how I expected her to be. Charming, nice, intimidating as all hell. Sorry, S, but your mum can be a bit scary. Also, I did not know that they're French. Or 'a bit French,' as S put it (I guess their dad was English, but that's just a stab in the dark on my part, actually. Either that, or they've all put a lot of work into it).

Things went about as well as could be imagined. Everyone started off civil enough, but you can't put those three on the same website without war being declared. All around the same table was almost the front lines all over again. I'm not going to repeat what was said, partially because I'm trying to maintain the illusion that their swapping between languages confused me (come on, guys. I travel a lot more than the average person. Did you really think that would work?), but mostly because I was trying to block it out by talking to Kitty. That's the other person who was brought along today. She's very obviously new, because she didn't seem to have ever witnessed a Holmes Family Feud before. I really hope it didn't scare her off, though.

After things calmed down, I guess Kitty tried to break the tension by asking where they all got their names from. That went over... well, really badly, actually, and just started everything up again. Things didn't last very long after that. I'm almost dreading Christmas. Also morbidly curious.


Bill came over for a bit after we got home and I got S settled again. It's always a bit of a task after he and his brother are in the same room for any amount of time, but he was still wound tight as a drum when Bill got here, and he's still been really quiet all evening. I finally got some toast into him at least, which is the first thing he's touched since yesterday. I was really glad to see that his mum handles him so well for that matter. I have to admit, I was a bit worried that going out there for lunch would be a disaster since breakfast was just not on this morning. But she just let him be.

No dog tracks to report today. Or spilt paint. Or mysteriously vanishing or appearing pets. Bill's gone home now and S is back to his video game, being annoyed at some sort of endman or something. I don't know. One of these days I'm going to wake up and he's going to be make of pixels or something. I swear. I'm still annoyed at whoever put him onto that thing, but I have to be honest, it's been a bit of a godsend today. He needs the distraction, and that seems to do the trick.

I took S out for a late breakfast this morning, because I'm not really sure what he does when I'm in bed, but it doesn't seem like he eats anything. I have to admit, he worries me like that sometimes, but I'm not sure what all I can do. It's not like he refuses to eat, though. He just forgets.

We came back to find someone had been in the house. We know this because all S' pants and trousers have gone missing. Not that he minds laying around in his dressing gown all day. In fact, I think he was happy for the excuse.

A few hours later, someone came round, and then screamed and ran away. I wonder who that was*. It probably didn't help that S got the door. Naked, from what I can tell. Why is he such a brat? Why are you all such brats?


*No, actually. I really don't, because I am capable of checking my phone's text message log, you know.

Woke up, tripped over the cat, found it had puked on the kitchen floor, told S to clean it up, accidentally started a row, and then came online to find holmeschat eating its own face.

Thank god it's the weekend.

Had some people over today. Just a small group to come break in the new place, as it was. Were? Was? S would know. I don't.

Anyway, it was pretty fun. Finally met this mysterious Darren that mscontrarymary keeps talking about. Even though I don't think we'll be seeing him again. I still don't know how I fell about that whole thing.

Apparently S got us tickets to a thing. Not sure how I feel about that, either. We're going with Mike and Jenny though, so that'll be fun. I hope.

Harry's doing well. It's good to be on speaking terms with her again. We've still got some things to work through, but things are definitely better between us.


I'm happy to report that no pets or personal belongings were stolen. Progress all round.

Guess who just got back from the police station with Mike.

Yep. That's right. My life is completely mad. S went out today because Mary showed up to help with a bit of packing (thanks for that, by the way), and the next thing I know, I'm getting a call saying that I have to come pick him up because there was a fight. He says the other guy started it, and that it was about money. I didn't get a look at him, but S was definitely on the receiving end of some of it.

He's fine, by the way. He's got court on Wednesday. If I can't get off work, I might need to ask someone to go with him. :/

As some of you might know, there's someone on Dreamwidth impersonating [Bad username or site: cons_detective title=consulting_detective @ livejournal.com]. This is NOT him. I just wanted to put that out there.

Related, and I'm not sure if it's the same person, but someone seems to be using 'jumperfucker' on irc.ecnet.org. This is also NOT me. A lot of servers will ban you if you have obscenity/profanity in your nick, which is why I've always gone as JumperFkr on IRC (as well as a few other names if I'm feeling silly).

I was only made aware of this just now, when storm_ford and I were in the channel, and someone using the nick jumperfucker joined.


I'm not angry. Just a bit confused.

Been a few days since I posted. Sorry about that, there's a lot going on.

Signed the paperwork on the new place. Did I mention that? I might have done. It was a while ago, and I can't remember.

Went out to have drinks with Sarah for the first time in, oh god. I don't even know. Does forever count? I'm saying forever. It felt that way. Anyway, that was a lot of fun. Had some drinks, talked a bit. Possibly planned a trip to Paris after S and I are done moving. I also may have forgotten to bring that up with him. My mind is sort of fried right now.

NEWS ON THE MISSING DOG: It was in my basement. S put it there. In one of his lapses of judgement, he thought he was doing Bill a favour by bringing the dog home. Apparently it got out, and is the size of a horse, so S had no real way of putting it back in. It's probably what I would have done as well, but with the added step of letting Bill know what had happened. But the dog is safe and Bill and Millie are happy.

Pub quiz tonight. Just waiting on Bill to get over here, as usual. More on that later.


I also may have gone to see Harry Potter with Amanda and her son. Shut up, I like it.

Right. Which one of you wankers told S to download Minecraft?


Because you're going to the special hell.